Another Funny Final Expense Appointment With Life-Threatening Alabama Redneck

Today we’re going to continue my sharing of funny final expense stories that I have personally experienced. In the last post I talked about my crazy lady who floated on a casket and got flown off by Al Gore in Hurricane Katrina. If you haven’t read that, it’s a funny one. In this post, I’m going to tell you the story of where I was threatened to be killed– it’s a great story with a happy ending.

Today we’re going to continue my sharing of funny final expense stories that I have personally experienced. In the last post I talked about my crazy lady who floated on a casket and got flown off by Al Gore in Hurricane Katrina. If you haven’t read that, it’s a funny one. In this post, I’m going to tell you the story of where I was threatened to be killed– it’s a great story with a happy ending.

I live in Chattanooga, Tennessee and I work the tri-state area– Tennessee, north Georgia, northeast Alabama. I like working all the areas, there’s pros and cons in each of them, and for some reason there’s some pretty strange people in Alabama. Sorry guys from Alabama, but it’s kind of true. I was out in a place called Lookout in Alabama, very rural, it’s a mountain that stretches about 70-80 miles in Tennessee to Gadsdenn, Alabama.

I had just gotten done replacing a crappy policy, felt pretty good because I had door-knocked a lady, it was a great call, everything worked out fantastically and so I felt really good and started door knocking. I didn’t have anything else going on at the time so I happened to come across a call with no number and no signature on the card; the guy just filled his name out, didn’t have any sort of specific information, the only thing that was on there was information about where he lived. I went ahead and said, “Well, let me just go door knock this.”

funny final expense

I’m not sure if this funny final expense story is going to turn out “funny” for me!

I found this guy, like I said, in the back woods in the middle of nowhere, and as I’m pulling in there’s a sign. It’s probably 6 feet long by 4 feet wide and the sign says in big bold letters nobody can miss, “Any damage done to you or your property or yourself is not the fault of this property owner.”

Picture this: I’m halfway into a long, gravel driveway and I see this sign, start reading this sign and I’ll admit I have no shame– I usually turn around and leave because I just don’t have time for things like that that are about to happen. But I felt very good that day, I was very confident, I thought, “You know what? This time I’m going to do it a little different, I’m going to go door knock these people because they sent the card in.”

Very true. As I think about it, I start going down the 300 ft. gravel driveway– it was pretty long– but halfway down I notice on the porch of the house is a dude rocking in his rocking chair watching me. He’s been watching me the whole time, even after I read his sign, basically didn’t even care, so I get to the very end of the driveway, park my car.

Sometimes when I get out of my car, I try to use a little comedy and lighten the mood a little bit, so I said, “Hey, are you Mr. Knight?” He says, “It depends on who’s asking?” I said, “You’re the guy I’m looking for!” Usually people laugh at that, but this guy is obviously a little strange with this big sign he’s got in his front yard. I said, “Listen, I’m here because you sent this card in. I was just in between appointments and I figured I would’ve called you, but your number’s not on the card. But hey– I was here, so I figured I’d see if you’ve got 5 or 10 minutes to get this information about life insurance you requested.” He said, “Well, hold on, let me get my wife.” Nothing odd.

He’s goes and grabs his wife and she is basically the perfect life insurance prospect. If I could have one of those a day, my life would be easy street– no need to sell it, she had already lost a spouse, had policies that paid off, she understood it, she carried it on herself. She had sent the card in and the whole reason was because she wanted to get insurance on her husband, the guy that went and grabbed her that was watching me from the rocking chair and he didn’t have any.

He only needed a small plan, could only afford 20 bucks a month, and the guy had had an open heart bypass several years ago. I could get him approved, I got him first day coverage, and so we talked it over and the wife was kind of the decision-maker, at least the instigator, and so all we needed to do was talk to the husband. I failed to mention the guy had walked away after he had brought her out, went to fool around working on his truck– I didn’t even think twice about it because I figured he’d be brought back up in a minute.

Once we worked out the details and everything sounded good, I went back and she said, “Let’s go grab Mr. Knight and talk to him.” She was feeling pretty good and happy and I didn’t see anything wrong. She goes back and he’s in his truck peddling around and she says, “Hey honey, I’m going to take a life insurance policy out on you, all I need you to do is sign in two places and we’ll get you approved and you’re good to go.” He gets out of his car, stands up erect and tense and he says, “I ain’t signing no God d**** mother f***ing paper! This mother f***er came down my driveway telling me there’s no phone number on the mother f***ing card!”

He was going off on me, screaming at the top of his lungs, pissed off. I had never seen anyone react like this, I was in total shock because the guy walked away and I thought he was fine. I’m sitting there just about to crap myself, I’m almost peeing down my leg, and I am completely frightened– on the inside but because of some divine interaction I’m completely calm on the outside. He’s ranting and raving and he walks up to me and says, “You’re lucky, man, you’re not buried dead in my yard out here.” To me, that’s a threat. It wasn’t like, “Hey man, you’re lucky you’re not dead out here.” He was like, “You’re lucky you’re not dead in my yard out here!” I mean, he was mad.

I took it as a threat and I kept my cool, I don’t know how, and I told him in the calmest, unemotional way, I said, “Mr. Knight, listen– I’m happy to leave. Sorry to trespass. I’m just here because you didn’t have the number listed on the card.” “What do you mean?! No card on there! No number on there!”

He just went off and off and I continued, “I’m happy to leave. I don’t want to bother you. I apologize. There’s no harm meant. I’ll be happy to leave right now if that’s what you’d like.” I said it just like that. I don’t know what happened, but the guy calmed down and his wife said, “You really need this life insurance,” and then he signed it.

I asked him health questions, he signed everything off and I got that son of a bitch approved and got him roped into life insurance– boo yah! On top of that, if it doesn’t get any better than that, I walked away with my life and I also got referrals from him and he’s still on the books now– it’s been about 2 ½ years since I sold it to him.

It just is incredible, I can’t believe that that’s actually stuck and I actually sold the guy. After the sale, the woman calls me back and leaves this 2 or 3 minute voicemail at my office and she was so apologetic– such a nice lady– and she said what had happened with this guy was that with the open heart surgery he had had, sometimes when patients have this kind of major cardiac surgery where you re-route the blood flow to the brain, he totally lost blood flow to some of his behavioral aspects of his brain, which just causes him to rage like this and it was really incredible.

Anyways, what’s my story there? I would never advise anybody that did not feel comfortable to run an appointment like that. That was absolutely scary and things like that are out there, it’s a reality. You never know who you’re going to get when you walk in front of someone– they’re going to be crazy, normal, some are in between.

Luckily, they’re not all nutcases like this guy, but now I have a reason not to go up to somebody with a ‘no trespassing’ sign or ‘beware of dogs’ or weird signs like that. It just doesn’t make me feel comfortable and you know what? You may be a wuss, but you walk away with your life and you’ve got the next guy to call on so that’s the way it is. Hope you enjoyed my funny final expense story!